Love Was . . . La Puta Perfecta?

Love Was . . . The Perfect Bitch


Well you just met a new woman

Shes like a gift to all mankind

She so beautiful and gracious

You leave your senses far behind

She makes your heart beat ever faster

Shes just so wonderful and kind

Wake up and smell the church bells!

Shes gonna rob ya blind!


Your friends'll never see you

"Coz theyre all lazy drunk scum"

An you can turn that pissin football off

Your making dinner for her mum

And when you want a new shirt

Shes gonna pick the one you suit

You'll never ever look cool again

Just a bullied frightened mute


But you love her

Adore her

Youd do anything for her

(But she wont let you do 'that'

When shes bleeding from the tw...tuppence)


You left a wet towel on the floor

Get ready for the 3rd World War

Shes short of change "wheres your jeans?"

Says she borrowed a quid (but she stole 18)

Accuses you of looking at the shop girls arse

When she drags you out buying her Wonderbras

She insists on pets even though youve allergies

10 cats later and your riddled with fleas


She wants a car, you get a loan

4 wheels 4 more excuses to moan

She wants a fortnight in Acapulco

You can only afford camping in Llandudno

A night at the flicks, maybe a horror fright

No its a Jane Eyre special that lasts all night

She wants she asks she needs, demands

Youve no skin left on your providing hands


But you love her

Adore her

Youd do anything for her

(But she wont let you do 'that'

When shes ..... got the painters in)


And then one day she talks of kids

Your balls retract, to your eyelids

But what the hell, she aint that bad

Though she spent every penny you ever had

So you phone the church set the date

But your best man best not dare be late

And then one Saturday around 4

You sign your life away forevermore


And years later you realise

As you gaze into your tired eyes

That without her your life would be

A probable untidy drunk tragedy

So you drag her close and hold her tight

And promise her a special night

You thank her though she's not sure why

She just knows that she loves her guy


And you love her

Adore her

Youd do anything for her

And if sex tonight looks bleak

You'll happily wait til next week